Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
