I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
