i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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