Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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