whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
