I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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