Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
