i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
