Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
