i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
