I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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