I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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