I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
