My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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