so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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