I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
