did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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