He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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