farters have to be the big spoon...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
