I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
