Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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