Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
