My cat gives me a boner
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
