I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
