Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
