yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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