I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
