You're so nebulous sometimes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
