when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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