i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
4 words: hood of his car
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This house was built for laser tag.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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