Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
