dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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