But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
