I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
