Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
