I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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