Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
