Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
