im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
