fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
