he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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