I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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