Pants 0. Shit 1.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
