there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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