we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
