Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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