Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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