We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
