Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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