So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
