are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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