And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
