Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
