I just made out with a guy for $7.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
